Quotes by Henny Youngman

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Henny Youngman

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning,....sleep late.

Henny Youngman

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

Henny Youngman

My wife is a light eater ... as soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

Henny Youngman

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Henny Youngman

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Henny Youngman

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman

It is occasionally possible to charge hell with a bucket of water, but against stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain.

Doris Fleeson »

Convinced myself, I seek not to convince.

Edgar Allan Poe »

The trees reflected in the river -- they are unconscious of a spiritual world so near to them. So are we.

Nathaniel Hawthorne »